Thoughts From My Heart!

Do you ever fear things. I do! Sometimes it is a bunch of little things. I fear bugs, frogs, snakes. If fear planes. I fear car accidents, and pain. But in that last month or so I have feared greater things. Things I don'e even want to think about. Tonight, I woke up as I have several times in the last 2 weeks, scared to death. I woke up scared I was going to die. The root of this fear is valid to some extent. Now I know everyone dies at some point or another. An I know young people die. My fear of death comes from me getting this overwhelming feeling that I am going to die. Have you ever been driving and get in uncontrollable to slow down or look up just before a car pulls out or an animal runs out. This feeling that I am getting is just like that. So strong, and so real.
I am 27 years old, and have diabetes. My diabetes is very out of control and Drs are a bit stumped. I did on friday, finally get an insulin pump and things are looking up, but the dreams are still hear and still VERY REAL. My blood sugar as been in the 600-700s the last year, and Drs can't get it controlled. I eat what I am suppose to and try to exercise as well with no avail.
I have had continuous glucose montitoring done in the last 2 weeks and got the results from them. The Dr. was dumbfounded, they didnt' make sense and had no rhyme or reason to them as to when I took meds, or when I eat.
Enough about my background and my fears, I am going to post the exact details of my dream. Let me know what you would feel like. Keep in mind that this dream has been exactly the same and has occured nightly for a week or so.

I start out in a room that is all white. There is no one in the room but myself. The walls are white, the floor is white, there is a window, and when you look out it, everything is white. Everything I see is white except for my gold wedding ring on my finger. The doctor comes in wearing all white from the shoes to a mask over his face and a hood on. Standing behind him is a nurse, the same nurse that I have at all of my appointments. Her name is Amber. She is all in white. She doesn't look at me, doesn't talk and most of all doesn't smile.
The doctor walks over to the white window and flips a switch. It is like a projector, not a real window, and all I see is a graph with a single blue line. I ask him about the blue line and he looks strangely at me and says there is no blue line. I look again and even point to it. He says again there is no blue line. Amber looks away. He says that my results are normal and that my diabetes is the problem, nothing else is wrong with me.
I leave the Dr office and am then at home. My husband and son are there. They say that nothing is wrong, and when I tell them about the blue line, Nick says that there is no blue line. I start seeing blue. When I close my eyes I see nothing but blue, when I get the make, all the stamps are plain blue. When I go to a stop light I see blue. I go back to the doctor, and this time it is all blue. When I look around I see my husband standing talking to the Dr. I see my Dr. Showing Nick the blue line. Nick is crying. I try to ask what is wrong, they don't here me. Next I see my son. He is wearing all blue, he is asking for his mommy and Nick just cries. Then I wake up.

As you can see this is disturbing. One time it could be overlooked, but I can't overlook a repeat dream.
Let me know what you think.